How Can You Mend A Broken Heart?

I have had some tough stuff in the past few weeks; some physical, some emotional and some just regular crappy day to day stuff.  It's also a tough time when I look at the calendar.  So many days in the last 3 weeks that mark events are associated with heartbreak.  Given all of that, my sincerest resolve this year has been to make the shift from sadness to celebration.  And whaddayaknow?  It seems to be working!  I remember just a year ago, two specific holidays hurt more than any others - Valentine's Day and Mother's Day.  I choose to not let that happen in 2018.  It has nothing to do with how much I loved, how lonely I can be, how I miss certain people or how hard things have been for me.  It has to do with so much more.

I have made a conscious decision to change because first and foremost, only I am responsible for my very own happiness.  I have the power to still find joy in life even when I have unpleasant issues to deal with.  Let me say that again, just because it makes me so happy!  I HAVE THE POWER TO STILL FIND JOY IN LIFE, EVEN WHEN I HAVE UNPLEASANT ISSUES TO DEAL WITH!  Sorry - it just felt so good, it bears repeating with caps and a beautiful blue color!  Now, let me get back to the rest of the story!  (Didn't you love Paul Harvey?  Sorry, my ADD is showing!  😵)

Back to it......while I have always known that even with what has been placed upon my plate, I also have been incredibly blessed.  I also know, that having been raised in a "Walton's Mountain" environment where love superseded everything else and I was surrounded with people who showered that love on my sisters and me, I am luckier than so very many.  I could tally up the things that have gone awry in my life but it would not even begin to be a fraction of what has gone right.  So why continue to do it?  We all know the definition of insanity, and whether or not that applies to me is not being polled right now - sorry guys!  On any given day I love to be crazy happy, crazy fun, crazy loving, but never just crazy.  Not happening.  Crazy will not be my noun, it will be my adjective.
I'm rambling because this is such a triumphant moment for me and I hope you'll bear with me.  I'm going to go all over the place, but I promise to tie it up in a beautiful red bow before I end!

I was reminded recently by the incredible woman who has been my friend for 54 years.  She is someone I admire beyond words, who loves me enough to be honest with me and I can take what she offers because it is straight from her heart, with simple purity and love and concern for me.  She reminded me, very appropriately not so very long ago that I should never forget that even though I have had heartbreak, I still have the most amazing life.  Damn straight I have!  And in their own ways, there is my friend of 30+ years who offers the same love and concern and honesty, along with Marine moms, and women I know only through FB, and my sons' babysitter, and the mother of one of Adam's girlfriends, my sisters, my family, my coworkers, my hometown friends, coworkers from other employers, and the list goes on.

I came home tonight to a beautiful card, and a beautiful gift, from two different people reminding that they were thinking of me this week, meaning that they have not forgotten Adam, or me.  I make it hard to forget me with all of my FB posts, I know, but my greatest fear is that Adam will be forgotten.  Guess what else?  Ain't happening!!!!  Who am I kidding?  He was a joyful, funny, intelligent, loving, devoted, ornery, brave father, husband, son, brother, relative, friend, Marine, and last but not least, pain in the ass.  I have been shown how many lives he touched beyond what I knew and my guess is that for every one I am aware of, there is another I'm not.  I don't have to carry that torch anymore.

If you know me, you know my affinity for all things Wizard of Oz and how I relate so much to the story and how Somewhere Over the Rainbow is one of my all time favorite songs.  I wanted to be more frugal this year and quite getting manicures, but the week I was going to quit, I realized I wanted my nails to look really nice for an occasion where I wanted to look my best.  Therefore I just chose to go to my hair salon and get another one instead of where I had been going.  And guess yet again!  I LOVED the nail tech (Rita) and I LOVE being in my salon.  Now I have never been a fan of nail art, but in talking and Rita showing me what she can do, I decided that I wanted her to stamp broken hearts on my "accent fingers" for Valentine's Day.  I knew I wanted them for a specific reason that wasn't sad, but figured others wouldn't see it that way.  When I got there this evening, she had a sparkly red chosen and a white base for the other two fingers to have the broken hearts put on.  All I could see, delightfully so, was Dorothy's ruby slippers reminding me that I don't need to go looking for my heart's desire when it's been in my backyard all along.  I'm snapping those sparkly red fingers just as you might click your heels in ruby slippers.  And when I do that those broken hearts are no longer sad, but powerful reminders of great love, and my growing strength.  And voila!  I'm wearing my own encouragement!

Surprise!  Broken hearts can mend.  You can sustain loss and pain and sorrow.  And you have a choice.  You can drown in it, or you can choose to embrace it, acknowledge it and go forward stronger, smarter, with a bigger heart.  The only reason I could not recover is because I would choose not to.  NOT HAPPENING!

Have you ever admired a mosaic?  I love them.  Think about how beautiful a mosaic is and what has it been created from?  Broken glass, broken dishes, broken pottery.  Something beautiful broke, but someone took those pieces and understood that the joy in those pieces was not meant to be gone, but meant to be revived in a totally different medium.  This is my best analogy for missing someone who has gone on without you.  I hope you see it too.

I have some sucky things that have happened, that are happening even still.  But I also have way more exciting things, people, love and joy in my life.  I can't stay stuck.  I am choosing joy.  I am choosing life.  I am choosing celebration.  Which brings me back to those two punishing holidays I have disliked so much.  Losing my son on Valentine's Day felt doubly cruel.  Missing my dad on his Valentine Birthday has been sad.  Burying my grandfather on Valentine's Day seemed harsh.  Missing my late husband on Valentine's Day has been lonely.  But it finally came together for me this year.  I said "Sandra, you big dummy!  What is Valentine's Day all about?  Love!"  Cue forehead slap.  Those losses are reminders of some of the greatest love that has been bestowed upon me.  Celebrate that!  There are women who were never able to bear a child and know the joy my son brought to my life.  Some have never married, or married the right one and understand what a true partner in marriage is.  Some never knew their fathers or grandfathers, or had less than stellar ones.  But not me.  I could not have asked for more and probably got more than I had a right to.  That bears celebrating!  So instead of grinding my teeth, rolling my eyes, or muttering a curse when everywhere I turn I see lovers and flowers and romance, I'm going to smile and take a piece of my shattered heart and place it in the most beautiful mosaic my life is becoming.  If you're reading this, your piece will be in that mosaic as well, for I carry you with me.  I'll deal with Mother's Day after I've finished celebrating Valentine's Day!

I finally have figured it out.  How do you mend a broken heart?  It's simple.  You CHOOSE to, with love, with joy and with gratitude.  Happy Valentine's Day my loves!  Happy Valentine's Day to you, with all of my healing heart!