Oh What a Ride aka I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends

Check that.  Make that a LOT of help from my friends.  Since October 22 it has been roller coaster season in my life.  This is a period of time that has too many dates that have tremendous sentiment and/or pain associated with them.  It officially ended on February 20, the anniversary of the day Adam was buried.  There are a few others scattered throughout the rest of the year but in this 5 month period due to birthdays, death dates, funeral dates and four fairly major holidays, the roller coasters are running at top speed in my little corner of the world.

I'm happy to report that with a few exceptions, I'm relieved to see those little cars that can give you such a rush be put to rest for a good little bit.  That's not to say that there haven't been good things during that period as well; there have been.  I've had some wonderful times and experiences during these past five months.  Mostly I've learned more about me.  Wouldn't you think by now that I would be on a more intimate level with who I am?  Yet I continue to discover new things as I evolve through these past few years.

I've learned that some people have agendas.  Some people pay lip service to what they think you want for their own agenda, whatever the hell that may be.  (I actually think I'm putting it together, but hate it, because the more puzzle pieces fit, the more used I feel.)  However not everyone has a bad agenda.  I have learned to trust my gut more and not err on the side of caution but certainly pay attention to the red flags!

I've learned you're never too old for new friends.  I have a new, dear friend who is on her very own journey and has been working long and hard at it for years.  I believe she has finally come to a place where she is truly discovering the beautiful being that has resided within her.  I believe she is becoming acquainted with that amazing girl/woman that was pushed to the side without nearly the acknowledgement her exquisite self is entitled to.  Beyond all of that joy, she has picked me up to take me along for the ride and share her experience and tools so that I may continue to grow as well.  Her presence has been that bar that locks down over your waist on the coaster car for me, before we take off.  She helps to ground me.

I've learned that nothing in the world replaces long time, steadfast and true friends.  These are the friends who take turns riding with me, whether they love roller coasters or not.  They show up without fail, some on appointed, recurring days, others as they can and feel the need.  They strap in beside me and hunker down and scream and cry and laugh with me.   They take care of me in case the whole ride makes me feel sick and sit with me as I recover with words that soothe and settle not just the tummy but the soul.  Some of them ride WAY more than they ever planned to and you ladies know who you are.  But it is due to all of you that I have the courage to go back through the turnstile every day because I have never been alone.  If I have, it was solely due to my own choosing.  More often than not, I choose to have you and not one of you has ever failed me.

I've learned that I am blessed with unconditional love beyond what my parents and husband had for me.  My family - my loving, generous, funny, caring family I consider my seat belt.  Sometimes they ride along too.  I know that whether they are there or not in person, all that we have shared, all the love and concern and history that bonds us keeps me rooted and safe.  I know that they are with me, whether I can see them or not.  The most important thing is that I feel them there even when they are ever so far away physically.  I am forever safe with them.

Finally I've learned to keep living.  There is the excitement of meeting new people.  Sometimes you're not sure just yet where they are going to fit and whether they are going to stay, but they are people whose presence right now I thoroughly enjoy.  People who challenge me intellectually, who challenge my wit, my spirit and my courage are worth getting to know.  People who fit that description are the only ones who even need apply at this point.  How and where they belong remains to be seen, but it's good to have them in the equation.  They are the rush as we climb to the top.  They will attempt an adventure with me.   They seem to enjoy me even in my genuine, clumsy, trusting, absurd state!  My only hope is that they don't disappear when it gets scary, but at the least can take my hand as a friend on the way down.  I have the rest of the posse in place to do the hard work! 

So what happens in the off season?  I'd like to borrow from the USMC and say improvise, adapt and overcome, but that is my "in season" mode.  Off season needs to be for research, regrouping, refreshing, relaxing.  It needs to be when I take care of business to my fullest potential and bank what I can in case I need it over the next winter.  Every year I find that I am able to save more and the ride is just a little less frightening.  I find that I am able to relax more and know that I'm not doing any of this alone.  As I've stated many times before, and will repeat again because it bears repeating - "the joy in anything is in sharing it with someone else".  Thanks Dad for that.  It's a blessing and a curse, just as the roller coaster goes up and down and around and around.  There is nothing in this life that seems to be so simple.  It's okay.  I now travel with the best people in the world, a willing spirit, a love of adventure, and a barf bag just in case.  Good to go.  Thanks for coming with me.