Then came David. If partners, mates, spouses were to love unconditionally always, there would never be divorce, so we know that it is not as common as we'd like to believe. But oddly enough, sometimes divorce is an outcome of unconditional love. I believe it's possible to continue to love someone but not be able to live with them, but that's my next paragraph! I get ahead of myself!!! Back to David. We met and became friends. We talked over smoke breaks at work. He shared his life and I shared mine. We were thirteen years apart, but we became good friends. He was a complex man and many thought he was gruff, crusty, grumpy. He may have had a hard exterior but the inside was nothing but a giant heart of marshmallow fluff! One of the things I loved about him was his loyalty and fierce love and devotion to his family. I recognized before I ever dreamed my last name would one day be his, that he was a passionate man. Passionate in his faith, for his family, friends and his work. After I did take that funny last name, he demonstrated his love every day in so many different ways. And I was spoiled without realizing it by living in a safe, warm, loving home with a man who put everyone he loved before himself. It's a wonderful thing to be on the receiving end of that type of love. Fortunately I realized what I had and worked hard to not take him for granted. I can't say I was perfect but he knew I tried and I know just that was enough for him. I wish everyone could know how safe and secure the right love can be.
I'm beginning to realize that part of his legacy to me, along with my parents and sisters, is the ability to love unconditionally myself. It means standing back and letting the people you care for do what they need to do. Period. It is having generosity of spirit and a true, pure love that respects that they won't always do what you want. They won't always make you happy. Sometimes they'll break your heart. It can mean watching them suffer from afar, keeping your tongue because for the real things to sink in, they have to be discovered by oneself. Sometimes it hurts. But most times it's a wonderful thing. To love people in your life enough to allow them to live their lives as they see fit and still cherish them, is an upper tier kind of love. To be able to recognize their need and respect it and love them through it is an incredible thing to experience. Hopefully they keep you close, but if they don't or can't, it doesn't mean you take your ball and go home. My heart does not play that way. Neither did my late husband's. Or Mom or Dad's. Or Judy, Karen or Becky's. Your role may change but it doesn't mean your heart gives up. How would anyone ever achieve anything without someone to love them through it? That concept is so foreign to me that I can't even imagine it. It is partly why I struggle now, because I miss having that on the daily. However, maybe this old gal is finally realizing that the idea now is for her to carry that very same ball and exhibit how it's played, just as I was shown, so I get to pass that ball! Over and over and over and over!
One of my favorite lyrics is from Kenny Loggins' "The Real Thing".
There's only one thing,
You can never give up,
Never compromise on,
And that's the real thing you need in love.
Compromise is necessary in life. In work and play and with everyone you encounter. But do not compromise your heart for anyone. That's a sure way to break it and lose at love. Listen to your heart and be brave enough to take the hits. The rewards far outweigh the risks. This I guarantee.
Photo by Sonyo Estavillo
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