Star Light, Star Bright

Intellectually, it makes no sense to me, that when you are missing someone in your life, that one day has a bigger impact on you than other days, but it seems that sometimes that’s exactly the case.  Dates trigger reminders, reminders trigger memories, good and bad.  The middle of the month has become difficult for me as Dave died on the 12^th and Adam on the 14^th.  This month I am counting 21 and 18 months.  It seems like way too much time since I was able to breathe in their warmth and bask in their smiles.  What I try to do, when I become overcome again with what these losses have created in my life, is to be still and feel their spirits.  Who they were and what they brought to me and to anyone they cared for in their life was a gift that we can carry with us.  We can conjure those wonderful feelings and memories.  It may bring more tears, but I’ve decided that just as anything in our lives, we have to cleanse things so they remain in good condition.  I need to allow this pain, give those feelings a release, so I don’t become angry or bitter or change who I am and who I want to be.  Tears can be cathartic.  It’s good to understand that, whether you are the griever or the one watching feeling helpless.  Know its okay.  Know that, in fact, it’s actually wonderful that I or anyone else you know, was so blessed with incredible relationships, that the loss is felt so deeply.  There are those that go through this life without ever having had anything so profound or real.

I love that we are in the midst of experiencing the Perseid meteor shower.  When I couldn’t sleep last night, I went out on my back patio and took in the night sky.  The sky was deep indigo, and the stars were not just present, they were dancing!  They sparkled and twinkled, shining with effervescence and I even was delighted to see a shooting star in this dazzling spectacle.  Call me a sucker, call me simple, call me whatever you like, but my soul was filled and comforted with the beauty there was to behold.  It was so comforting, as if the heavens were winking at me, and giving me a tiny glimpse of how beautiful and joyful that existence might be.  I could go back to bed and for a change, fall right to sleep, assured that all was just as it should be.

So when I think of my guys, my parents, all my loved ones who are no longer present to us, and when you think of yours,  I hope that our tears are for the joy we are missing and our smiles are because we know just how blessed we have been.   

Twinkle, twinkle little star, I no longer wonder what you are…….Up above the world so high, like a presence in the sky.  Twinkle, twinkle little star, you bring comfort from afar.