Orlando's Loss; More Revelation

I have been writing about my journey through my own profound loss.  This weekend at least 50 other families are beginning a journey they never wanted to take.  My heart breaks for them in a way that it never could before.  Now I understand firsthand the pain of planning funerals, making decisions, considering well intended suggestions, learning to go forward and live without someone who maybe meant the world to you, or someone who was your world.  My heart hurts so much that it now brings tears.  And why?  For what?  These families will have to reconcile even more than I have had to manage, because these were violent, senseless deaths.  The terror and fear that had to have been present in that club is beyond anything I want to try and comprehend.

Anyone who knows me well knows my belief system, probably understands where I lean politically, and my own personal behavior.  I’m proud to be a Christian, and proud to be conservative.  That does not mean I hold any bias.  Life has taught me that there is no merit to that.  It does not matter who I vote for, or what church I attend.  What is important is that I find love and tolerance for my fellow man.  I don’t have to believe what you do to respect you and your right to your opinion.  I don’t have to worship in the same way to believe that there is a higher being looking out for us all.  And if you’re not a believer, that’s not my business either. 

I am going to share here what I believe that we, as human beings, are called to, whether we are atheist, agnostic, Christian, Jewish, Hindu, Democrat, Republican, Independent or anything else.  I think that first and foremost we are called to be human. 

Full Definition of human

1. 1:  of, relating to, or characteristic of humans
2. 2:  consisting of humans
3. 3a :  having human form or attributes b :  susceptible to or representative of the sympathies and frailties of human nature <such an inconsistency is

very human — P. E. More>

Now add an “e” at the end for humane.

Full Definition of humane  

1.   1:  marked by compassion, sympathy, or consideration for humans or animals

2.   2:  characterized by or tending to broad humanistic culture :  humanistic <humane studies>

So, as an entire horde of humans that often have nothing we believe in common, we absolutely do.  We want to live, to be healthy, to find love, to find validation and success.  Unfortunately, far too many of us place parameters on those desires, for ourselves and worse, on others.  If we could live by the golden rule, “Do Unto Others as You Would Have Others Do Unto You” or the biblical command “Love One Another As I Have Loved You”,  Would it matter to me what color your skin is?  Would it matter to me how many children you have?  Would it matter to me who you love or where you work or what you do, whether you carry or are anti-gun, or where you attend church services or if you do at all?  Would it matter to me who you vote for?  Do I care if you believe in global warming?  Would I want to ridicule you for your choices or might I want to engage you in conversation to learn why we feel differently.  Who is to say who is wrong and who is right? 

If I were to scream at you that you were going to hell for one reason or another, would that be modeling love toward my fellow man?  Why do I get an opinion on that and why is that really my problem?  I have my hands full more than I can manage just trying to be the person I aspire to being.  And if then your retort was that I am bigoted, racist and ignorant for my particular belief system, are we going to gain any ground?

In my very humble opinion, we have isolated ourselves with the need to believe that we are “right”, “superior in intellect” and very self assured that how we view things is the way it should be.  Can we not step back, and be interested enough in each other, and brave enough with each other to share who we really are?  If we begin there, sharing ourselves and truly listening to our friends, neighbors and strangers tell their stories, would we not understand that the reasons for our personal behavior has roots.  We feel one way or another for a reason.  Some of us have been blessed growing up in the midst of love and safety.  Many, many others have not been as fortunate, and their stories are very important to hear.  We need to be tolerant of what has molded us, and understand that as a child, you don’t get a voice in how that happens.  When we encounter someone suffering, should we not share what we have, materially and emotionally?  When we meet someone celebrating, can we not put down our own burdens for a moment to celebrate with them and understand that one day we have the potential to celebrate as well?  And I mean no matter what their race, religion, sexual orientation, political party, alma mater, etc.

Then comes the question of how do you not judge the Boston Marathon Bombers, or James Holmes, or this weekend’s shooter?  Their acts are horrific.  At this point, I will pray for the situation, pray that there will not be copycat crimes, pray that justice is served and glad that justice is not mine to have to dole out.  Cop out?  Maybe, but the reality is, I won’t be involved in those processes, therefore, what I do is pray for the victims, pray for their families and the family of the person responsible for the tragedy.  I vote for the legislators and judges that I think will handle things appropriately.  I do not need to chastise, name call or publicly denounce someone on Facebook just for entertainment.  I have done that and am now ashamed.  When events like this become memes I don’t think we’re going in the right direction.  I’m interested in doing better and will hopefully change my ways without a slip.  These events are not entertainment, nor should they ever deteriorate into that.

I see so much that is harsh on Facebook from people I know, respect and admire.  They are convicted.  I understand that.  But is it more important to be right than compassionate?  I find it amusing when I see people who are more passionate about animals than other humans.  Probably because they’ve been disappointed by creatures who judge more than those furballs who only love.  None of us have had identical experiences, therefore none of us have the right to be unkind to each other.

I have hope for this world.  I look at my grandchildren, my children, my nieces, nephews, anyone’s child and see the wonder of creation and such beauty and potential.  Why in the world do we want to plant seeds in them that will rot and fester.  We need to be examples, good stewards of humanity.  A good friend reminded me that it costs absolutely nothing to be kind.  We need to quit worrying about who is right and who is wrong, who is smarter, who is taking advantage.  If we begin to behave on a plane that includes everyone, those who so angrily retort may not feel as threatened and may begin to respond in kind.

Trust me, I have not mastered this.  I, like all of us, am a work in progress.  But the older I get, the fewer reasons I find to be exclusive, intolerant or just plain rude.  Life is short.  If you want to enjoy it and live it well, I think it is meant to lived with a spirit of joy and love, and not just for a select few, but for any person we encounter.  It’s a start.  I am making my own renewed effort on behalf of those who lost their lives this past weekend and for those who will work to find their way forward in their grief.  We have to begin somewhere.  I challenge any of you who read this to take a softer stance in your encounters with others.  Do it for 50 days.  See if it makes a difference.  I’m not a gambling woman but this is a bet I’m willing to take.  God bless those souls in Orlando, and Fort Hood, and Columbine, Sandy Hook, Oklahoma City, and all the other tragedies, which unfortunately, the list that is too long to print.  May their families find comfort and peace and may we all walk more softly in this world that is filled with individuals who need each other.  If we are softer, kinder, we can be of more help to those who need us.  We can be better versions of ourselves and by doing that we help ease a family's suffering, a mother's grief.  Make it your best day.